I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
