i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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