I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
