the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
