who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I cannot find my penis.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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