So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
