I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
