and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
