the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize