What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Randomize
