So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
