beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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