i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
