a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize