Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
