im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize