Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
