I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
