so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
