I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
A+ Viking dick
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
