you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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