when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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