on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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