If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
