Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
