In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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