Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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