I am puke
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
