...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
