i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
