you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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