I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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