I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I could make wine with my vomit
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
