I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
