I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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