she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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