Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Pants are for mortals
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
