i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
