im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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