Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Randomize
