I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
