Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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