Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
