hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
