So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
