A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
They have beer where we have blood.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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