these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
