I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
