Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
