I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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