just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Im part way to drunk.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize