Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
