if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
