peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
