Yo dont text me then not text me
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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