whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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