I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
