if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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