My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
