Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
