A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
