I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
