sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
