Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
